every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
