she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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