You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
