In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I touched a dick in church today
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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