New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to calm my uterus...
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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