Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
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