u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
