Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
