Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
