Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
