If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
