My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
