all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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