He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
