Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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