So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
