If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My ass is underappreciated
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
