Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He has the fingertips of a God
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