i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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