ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
