if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
