omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
