so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
