I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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