Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
