Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
