I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
