Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
