i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
