don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
