Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize