awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
