I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
