My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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