she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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