we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
