I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
