Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize