You work out of a Hotel?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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