break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
