one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
