o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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