she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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