so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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