I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
