I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
