you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
