There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
