NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
