I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
