Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
