Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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