At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
