I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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