It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
