dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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