The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
