totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
