Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
