I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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