I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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