when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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