ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
