i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
