its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
