I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
