just tell him i said nine months
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
