I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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