when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
