i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
This is the high leading the old right now
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
