i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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