Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize