I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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