AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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