based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
