I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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