I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
