I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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