this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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