we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
