The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
