we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
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