I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
