Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
