I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
