He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Alive.
So much puke
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
