I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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