nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
