I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
